Daily Mantras and Such

"Dhaka, Oct 1 (bdnews24.com): “The government has started working on a detailed data bank for people aged over 50. Quamrunnessa Khanam, secretary for the social welfare ministry, said on Thursday the World Bank will fund the scheme, and officials have started doing the groundwork for the study. Khanam said the government would also build one house for elderly persons in each division."


According to the United Nations, an influx of senior citizens is seen in Bangladesh in recent years owing to a decrease in fertility rates and improvement in life expectancy. In the last two decades Bangladesh has experienced two major demographic changes: the rapid population growth in urban areas and the demographic transition having lower fertility and higher longevity.


Rapid growth of urbanization and the growth of population in urban areas mostly occur due to rural-urban migration—young and young adults are prone to migrate to the city/abroad for better career opportunities, resulting in an increase in the number of aged people in the rural areas.


In Bangladesh, the population above the age of sixty has reached over 7.2 million. The life expectancy is increasing on account of improved health care, education and technology. Senior citizens are becoming a subject of concern for the national planners dealing with socio-economic programs in Bangladesh.
Source: http://www.novartis.com.bd/news_current_CPD2008.html


A lot of people feel that the intolerance among young people coupled with their inability to adjust with the elderly may have also contributed to the soaring number of public and private old age homes in the country. Some blame it on the 21st century lifestyle and its demands; others feel that the past was never quite the golden age of happy families either—there was always this insurmountable gap between generations so much so that e.g. grandparents/parents and children ate(had dinner/lunch) at different times to avoid confrontations and conflicts.


But the extended family was always regarded as the amulet to ward off the ultimate horror of growing old alone. In its decline, the family’s potency has become even more mythical.

The families of the past do deserve some credit as they, regardless of miscommunications and repressed anger did take care of the elder family members. The modern family is suffering in doing so. Examples of the strains are manifesting themselves in the rising levels of elder abuse that ranges from confining the elders to a room with no one to speak to save the house helper to insults and negligence.


It is hard for the parents to adapt to these changes because Bangladeshi elders have always looked upon their children as an investment. They believe that taking care of their children when they were young, paying for their education, marriage etc give them the right to depend on them solely. This has given rise to a culture of dependency. You will see many elderly couples waiting on their sons for going to the bank, paying bills to doing day to day things. After a certain age, parents start depending on their children for emotional support as well—their happiness, sorrow, anger, frustration, aspirations and.. fate lie in the hands of their children.


Children who usually have to give in to the pressures and demands of the 21st century fail to cater to these needs…thus the birth of the mantra, “my children do not have enough time for me”. The traditional family structure has fallen prey to the inevitable changes that this century has dumped on us. Children cannot always manage the time or the effort that it takes to take care of elderly parents. The balance of power in the household has also changed over the years. The common scenario of a working class family would include a working couple, their children and the in-laws. The son and the daughter in law are usually the bread earners who are responsible for taking care of the parents. Which is another reason for parents to feel increasingly squeezed out of their home. It seems that the solution for many people these days (parents and children alike) is nursing homes/old age homes/retirement communities.


Many a time, children who do end up taking care of the parents, do so out of obligation, which can be very demeaning for the parents As a result quite a large number of elderly people choose to live in old age homes, where they think they can live in peace without being a burden to anyone. Thus the concept of old age home is gradually emerging as the most viable option among the senior members of society who are financially independent. While we Bangladeshis love to talk about family values, sadly, a considerable percentage of parents-children relationships of this era are mediated more by duty and less by love. Many senior citizens feel that these care facilities are the answer to some of life’s hard to swallow problems like insecurity, loneliness, negligence and lack of companionship.
Whatever the reason, the breakdown of the extended family has become the arch villain in the story of growing old in Bangladesh. The fear of growing old all alone has become a part of the cultural zeitgeist of the age.


Another point to note is that these old-age care facilities did not appear overnight, out of the void— they are the outcome of thorough research that has confirmed that these facilities have become a necessity in this age and time. Old age homes are very much a part of our lives now-- they aren’t some ‘western’ thing that has nothing to do with our culture where disrespecting the elders is a cardinal sin. Old age homes have stemmed from demand from children and parents alike, and there is no way one can deny that.


Having said that, a lot of elderly people also feel that old age homes or anyplace where they will be robbed off the opportunity to spend time with their children and grand children can never be a solution. And there are children who still believe in extended families and feel it is an honor to be able to take care of their parents. It is very hard to be judgmental when it comes to the concept of old age homes as different families function differently and we can never know what is good or bad for them unless we put ourselves in their shoes.