Daily Mantras and Such

And finally,

what is it, this life?

Something you reek of? Something you loathe, despite, detest? A leach that sucks in that last drop of blood? A ball thread of thought whose mystery when unraveled brings forth a ravishing, consuming, breathless joy? Did you burn your heart from its smoldering beauty? You ache with so much love for it, that at times you contemplate slashing that flaky wrist of yours? does it have the taste of the deepest, blue-green sea, or the moss-green murky, muddy beach, with monumental tides: salty, fleshy, bloody, ionic.....that of human tears, that sometimes, maybe once, happiness too bring about?

And love?

It left you bare so many a times that you don’t want to do anything with it? It stripped you off all values, roles, faces, valuables, images you accumulated over the years? What was it really? A countdown of breaths, breathlessness? Light, night and half light? Everything? A manifestation of need? An intangible, out of reach, abstract idea? A compensation? convenience? Absoluteness? An adrenaline junkie? a feeling, that left you panting like an adolescent? Glimpses of a life that you long for but you reject because it makes no sense, because it generates no profit, because it is not logical, because it makes you blind? A utopian concept, an illusion, a scam, a fad? A blue package nicely wrapped with pain and sprinkled with rose-fragranced solitude? an indulgence? But didn’t you once, just once, get jabbed by its amorous charm, its scope, its shades of meanings, its overtones? And did you feel that pain, in the ribcage, that comes with loss, when it left you?

The red-blue tinge seeps in through the window and the first birds sing…and I plan to call it quits, leaving the world alone for a while to mourn its private sorrows, go about groggily about its chores, applaud to its triumphs….but I leave a myriad of gaping, gnawing question marks, pretty and ugly ones, black, white and some in grey……that on dark, weary interlaced hours dawn on me….and perhaps on you too

She makes us ooze with energy one moment and devours all of it the next.. While the city is in her slumber, the sheen of her hair guide us, the gleam of her skin warn us of fractured glass, the twinkle in her eyes enlighten us, the fire in her soul keep us warm..her eyes are molten with love and pain...her hands, folded together under the driven nail... She sheds waxy tears that sting us like that hallucinating shot: burn, churn, calm, nihility... her tears on Sundays turn into relentless rain that sooth our bruised bodies, battered and stripped from life, off life...the one we leave behind... She wheedles us into nothingness with freebies: a pouch woven with water lilies and strands of our hair grown inside her private-scarlet-cloister. She sighs and the zephyrs whisper, "your ancient blue black hair had an orange-yellow-golden tinge? And you wonder in your time how the sun gets it's warmth? It's magnitude? look inside the pouch.. see his rib that they say started it all? see the convoluting sun-beams: your fire-gold hair in a knot? See the grain of salt? Your first tear drop, crystallized, solidified, manipulated, gift-wrapped...and what about Them, you ask? they weren't meant to stay, not for-ever and a day...but us? We are never to flee, we'll stick around longer than life, in that breathlessness we will strive...sickness and in health in emptiness and in wealth, in the silence of the night, in colors and in grey... She stands by the river and sings us lullabies that ward off our stalking demons, her voice waltz with our minds, those sweet whispers emboss her reflection on our windows, she holds our hand while she writes our names on the foggy glass; when the night trips into day with Swiss precision she draws figurines on our foreheads with flighty fingers ... she strews our thoughts with the blue-green fragrance of that sole city-violet; she murmurs prayers in the half-light, and right then we smile in our sleep...the next morning we wake up recalling a tail-end of a unfathomable dream, where there was a river with scarlet red water, violent currents evoking orange ripples...and her, she was there too, strong and able to remember.